Tuesday, January 23, 2007

Law School Characters

These are a few of my favorite types that I have seen in law school. Most of my friends and I guess myself are a combination of a many of these categories, but like with life, archetypes do exist among us. Enjoy.

The Gunner
Everyone has heard of this person. Usually, they are a real jerk and climb there way to the top. First semester of first year, they are just like everyone else, but now they are on top and trying to decide which clerkship/paid internship in New York they want. They usually speak up alot in class and no one can really stand them except other gunners.

The Married Guy
The Married Guy is usually pretty funny and usually pretty stressed out. He doesn't really stick out too much, and is more worried about family concerns than school. The Married guy is usually pretty productive, but lacks something in the networking department because whereas everyone else is at the bar on Friday, he is watching Dateline with the kids.

The Married Girl
The Married Girl is usually pretty ambitious and doesn't really associate with anyone. The Married girl speaks up pretty often because they feel they have to in order to compete. Lots of conversations about "The Glass Ceiling."

The Older Lady
The Older Lady has worked in a million different fields, usually all secretarial and decided one day that if her jackass employer could go to law school, so could she. She is pretty embittered and doesn't play well with others. When she schmoozes and networks at the bar, she is usually pretty drunk.

The Married Couple
Now this is the worst. The Married Couple came to law school together because one of them really wanted to go and the other one didn't want to get a divorce sometime in the future, when the lawyer wised up. Most people either like one or the other, but never both. They are usually divorced by the end of school.

The Engaged Couple
The Engaged Couple are disgusting because seeing as law school is just like jr. high, the Engaged Couple takes it to the next level. They take all the same courses and constantly cheat on each other. At the end of school, or close to it, they get married and the reception looks like a bar convention.

The Old Professional
The Old Professional is some old bastard of a doctor, pharmacist, or business type that felt that a law degree would be "fun" and speaking ALL THE TIME in class would be entertaining. No one likes the Old Professional.

The Naive Idiot
This is the girl/guy who is some die-hard religious type who just can't wrap their head around a supreme court ruling that contradicts their life and constantly tells everyone about it. They never network and usually move back to their po-dunk village.

The Booze-Hound
This is the guy/girl everyone knows. They usually aren't anywhere near the top ten or top thirty. They never speak in class, have mastered the art of drinking till four, then making an eight o'clock class. The Booze-Hound eventually becomes president of the state bar association.

The Redneck/Hoosier
This guy/girl is terribly out of place. They constantly refer to their tractor/pig in every legal scenario they can come up with. No one can stand them except the Naive Idiot, who they eventually marry.

The Networker
This is the greasiest guy/girl in the world. Everyone likes The Networker, until they snatch a job from underneath another person. The Networker and the Booze-Hound usually get along pretty well because the see each other at the bar all the time. The Networker starts law school dating The Naive Idiot and then dumps him/her for a Gunner.

The Story Guy
The Story Guy is sometimes The Redneck/Hoosier. The Story guy cannot get through a class without a long drawn out story about something really frivolous. Even the Old Professional doesn't like the Story Guy.

The Foreigner
No one can understand this guy/girl, even if they are from the same country. After a while The Foreigner becomes a fixture and is almost treated like a mascot.

The Militant
Pick your poison: feminist, republican, black panther, orthodox jew, with the Militant everything comes down to their belief, no matter what. No one likes to go out to formal lunches or meetings with the Militant for fear they will pound everyone in the head with their beliefs, but once at the bar, the Militant usually calms down.

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