Moneydump

Alright. Blogging again. For how long? Who the fuck knows? Anywho, begun listening intently to Guns and Roses new album, Chinese Democracy. Well to cut to the quick, not impressed. I've listened to about half the songs (the ones on Myspace) and I have to say, nothing strikes me. Guns and Roses, pre-Buckethead, circa mid eighties to early nineties, was about two things: fury and depth. That is essentially what makes up great rock and roll bands. Somewhere between the departure of everyone but Axl and the release of this album, Guns and Roses has replaced fury with industrial and depth with hack. It just really seems to me that this album lacks every single thing that their earlier albums contained. There are no great rising moments like in Civil War. There are no furious songs like You Could Be Mine. There is nothing epic like November Rain. So what happened? Well, honestly, I believe that Axl isolated himself so much from the outside world, that he honestly did not realize what was actually going on in music and why he began writing, composing and singing. When he emerged, determined to force the world to pay attention to him again, he supplemented his past inspirations with money, unlimited studio time and a rolodex to rival the president of any major label. All those things combine for is a hack record that will be hailed for a few minutes and then lambasted for an age. One last thing, dear reader, be prepared to hear everyone of these songs on every commercial, television show, movie and creative internet viral videos. The powers that be have been fronting a shit-ton of money to Axl for a long time to get this damn thing out there, and trust me, they won't recoup a dime without some serious whoring of this album.

For The 2008 Presidential Election Cycle: I Am Not Voting So Fuck Off

I would like to take a moment and reason out very clearly with everyone out there why exactly I am not voting in the upcoming election. For many different reasons I have found myself whole-heartily disillusioned with the election process and politics in general. Now, I enjoy gossipy stories and juicy details just as much as the next poltico, however I have studied politics and been in both political science and law school way too long to every appreciate how the sausage is made. I guess I could claim that is reason number 1. I am disillusioned with American politics in general. Public service went the way of the dodo a long time ago. Today people are career politicians, not basing their lives on serving others, but serving their own ends. I don’t enjoy that game. I find it distasteful. Onward. I imagine my next reason would go down to a selfish stance. I vote for my friends and relatives. These are the only people who could ever impact my life. Because I line up with someone who I have never met, who could care less about me and only flashes rhetoric in my face, does not impress me enough. And the issues they stand for? Pro-life, pro-choice, entitlements, national security, etc… None of these things impact my life. Taxes going up? Who gives a shit? I make crap. Why would I care if people who make over 75K a year get taxed more. That doesn’t affect me. I truly don’t have an opinion on abortion and I live in the Deep South. I am not worried about terrorism here. Now foreign policy I could get behind, but anything besides the current administration is a step up, so that doesn’t affect me either. I guess my last reason is that I don’t like being bullied into voting for someone. And no, I’m not going to write myself in or vote for a space alien or some other dumb shit. If I truly believed that real change would occur, then I would vote for someone, but the point of the American system is about having a choice. A choice, goddammit. Not being obligated into lining up. That is what has happened to this country. No one sees it. Our country is polarized. Everyone is so goddamn angry. The left hates the right. Blacks hate whites. Women are hating other women. Intellectualism is being supplanted by terrible rhetoric. “A chicken in every pot” is being promised and will never be delivered.

And to everyone that keeps telling me this old chestnut, “If you don’t vote, then you can’t complain.” I just complained. And I’m not voting. So fuck off.

You Try To Find This Fucking Song

Yea, this is one of the dopest songs out there. No pun intended. Ok, pun intended. From my lengthy days of playing Grand Theft while fretting over frivolous tests. Steve Marriot, kicking ass.

I'm Charlie Brown

Well a couple of weeks ago I got my results back on my bar exam. Ugh. I feel like Lucy keeps pulling that ball out from under me. I think it might be time to pack it up and head for greener pastures.

(Also, I try to use non-copywrited material for my pictures on here, but I really do feel like Charlie Brown and I only use this imagine in tribute to Charles Shultz. Fair Use, baby.)

Onward and Upward

Well, a friend of mine (and myself) recently had a long discussion regarding writing, how to write, why we don't write, good writers, why we aren't good writers and the overall "craft" as we in the biz call it. Yes, that's right, "the biz." Ok, I'm not a writer, but sometimes I like to play dress up and pretend I am. I put on my cape and soar around my apartment, dreaming of a day when I can throw off these chains of regular work, sit in a upscale apartment, and pontificate on the ills of the world. Wait. I already do that, and with gusto! Hmmm. Ok, I don't get paid for. That's right, people, I'm a fucking volunteer. Dammit. Anywho, me and my friend have committed ourselves to writing more. You may know my friend from his blog, "Making the Mundane Magical" of which, I should have a link to on this site. He is a very good writer and his new site, www.sniction.wordpress.com is coming along very nicely. I suggest everyone take in a few of his stories and drop him a couple of comments. They are well thought out and very engrossing. As for myself, dear reader, and by the way, I am basically ripping off the "dear reader" from Stephen King (he uses "Constant Reader," see I'm original), I too have pushed myself into the fantastic and exciting world of online publishing! Hmmmm. Already doing that with this blog. Ok, well this will be mainly just fiction and not my obsessive and ridiculous ranting. If you have time, or your bored, or you just want to laugh and mock my sincere efforts, mosey on over to my little fiction site, www.noveletics.wordpress.com and enjoy. Or don't. Shit. I don't give a fuck. Onward and upward, dear friends. Onward and upward.

Internets

Hmmm. Been trying to think up a good post for a while. Instead of just sitting on my ass, I decided to post some of my favorite snarky, irreverent, funny, and interesting sites that I check constantly. Considering I eliminated my cable several months ago, I decided to devote my time to the internet. So here you go, cats and kittens, for your viewing and reading pleasure:

Wonkette
www.wonkette.com

This is a Washington political site. Very snarky and very irreverent. Obvious liberal bias, but the headlines and funny and they can keep you up-to-date on who is screwing who in Washington.

Slate
www.slate.com

Online magazine that is loved by NPR and considering I love NPR, it was only natural that I started reading this. Good articles, pretty in depth, and you can always find something interesting and well thought out.

Hulu
www.hulu.com

No cable? No problem. No money? No problem. A natural fit for me. Hulu is like a professional youtube, with tons of archived television series and movies. All for free. You have to tolerate a few ads, but, screw it. Its worth it. Not as many movies as you might hope for, but come on. I live in poverty. I takes whats I cans gets.

McSweeney’s
www.mcsweeneys.net

Extremely funny site. A bit high-brow, but their archives are worth it. You can read it for hours. My suggestion is to search for the Cookie Monster story. You’ll laugh your ass off. McSweeney’s has been around for a while and has a very good presence in print media.

Adult Swim
www.adultswim.com

Tuner’s golden child of comedy. Who could have ever conceived that a viewer driven, extremely insane cartoon channel could produce such great material? I thought all Turner/Time Warner had was TBS and the Braves? Well boy was I wrong. Cartoon Network, with its humble beginnings as Turner’s way of satisfying its required “child programming hours” has hoisted Adult Swim (its night-time incarnation) into an industry standard of comedy. Adult Swim (and viewers like me) resurrected Family Guy and Futurama and have given a shot to dozens of fantastic comedians (Tim and Eric) and elevated crazy animation to the next level. Kudos. I suggest everyone bookmark this one.

Gawker
www.gawker.com

Lots of snark, basically a gossip site. Its good and you can really stay in touch with what is passé, what is now, and what is just ridiculous. Hey, don’t act like you don’t have one of these sites bookmarked! At least I’m not promoting Perez Hilton. Although he is funny too.

Star Search

So, two days ago, I’m taking the “Great Test.” It sucks. I despise it. So, I’m at lunch. Chow down on some Subway and I’m headed back into the Marriot for another dose of pain. Coming out of the Marriot, in Jackson, Mississippi, who do I run into? Billy Bob Thorton. I am bad star-struck. I look up at him in his trucker hat and dark sunglasses and manage, “Hey, man!” He replies, “Hey, brother.” “Sling-Blade” Armageddon” “Mr. Angelina Jolie Himself.” He spoke to me on the streets of Jackson, Mississippi.

Hey, brother to you too.

Are You Sure Hank Done It This Way?

Alright, cats and kittens. The kid is back. Blogging, that is. I’m back and with a force. I’m done again with the “Great Test” and I pray to God it’s the last time, but in the long run, this ole boy don’t give a fuck. I’m tired of being tested and ready for some real life. I’m ready for a change, a move and a different set of trees to look at on the way into the office. I hate to say it, but your Ole Miss Expatriate is plotting an escape from the Great State. As a 5th + generation Mississippian, I’ll be sad to leave, but I’m afraid the time might be drawing near where my dreams will take me west. “Go West, young man,” as they used to say. I just may be shaking the dust of southeast and headed for parts unknown. Stay tuned, dear reader. There may be a second chapter to this book.

As one of my hero’s, Waylon Jennings said, “Are you sure Hank done it this way?” It’s a long road to Nashville, and I think ole Hank took a few detours to get there. Its time the Expatriate started finding out where those detour roads lead.

Like a Lock

Ah, the great women post. I'm sure everyone has been waiting on this, or not. I don't really give a fuck. But to the point. I'll never understand them. Women, I mean. A different species. We share the bulk of DNA with them, yet, for a few proteins, we split, into two different genders, equipped with different ideas, genitalia, and genetically designed goals. They are truly the ultimate mystery. I have, and most likely, will always feel like a freshmen talking to the captain of the cheerleading team. Lost, my friends, truly lost. All in all, I remain stuck in the game, constantly pursuing.

War

I've been very reluctant to blog about the War in Iraq and Afghanistan. Most considerably because I have several friends who have served in both theaters. By the grace of God, all have returned back to the U.S. and more importantly, the Great State, however I find myself weary of an unending conflict with no discernable goals. This statement has been reiterated many times over by talking heads on more blogs and televisions shows than worth mentioning, however, I find that I need to say my piece on it.

I believe that the United States Military is the greatest in the world. We have the best technology, we control the air, sea and space. All other armies in the world stand mute in the face of the sheer destructive power of our men and materials. Including China, so don't give me any bullshit about a billion man army. You can have all the men you want, but in today's warfare, one of our submarines can handle the worst China, or any other third world shit hole could ever dish out.

With this being said, though, I find the War that we have been embroiled in to be dragging on. We are now fighting a civil war, in two countries that do not deserve our time. I'm ready for our troops to return home, triumphant in the fact that a dictator of despicable means, his ilk, and their cronies, lie as dead as the dust that comprises, Iraq.

No Civil War.

I Love the Word, "Anniversaire"

I didn’t realize it until just now, after 3 Evan Williams, that my anniversaire had passed without me noticing. I have been blogging now for a year. A YEAR, PEOPLE. I guess I’m not going to really celebrate it, but it’s a major accomplishment for me. I have been writing (on and off) solidly for a year. Even though this wasn’t a New Year’s resolution for last year, I feel like it should have been. So it is.

Back to my anniversaire. I’m happy that I have been blogging for a year. For all my stupid accomplishments, degrees, and accolades, writing continuously (on and off) honestly makes me happy. It honestly makes me happy. Its worth repeating. There isn’t just a shitload of stuff in this life that honestly makes me happy, but writing is chief among them, and given, I’m not a very good writer compared to the giants out there, I’m happy with myself and I’m happy to be here. So enjoy the next evolution of my writing, dear reader. Thank you for sticking around with me.

Sincerely yours,


The Ole Miss Expatriate, borne of blood, raised in the Great State and still kicking, despite the wishes of too many to be named.

What I Have in Common with Anthony Bourdain

Before I unceremoniously removed my cable I used to watch a lot of Tony Bourdain. One night, while enjoying an evening by the fire in my fortified mansion in an undisclosed location in the Great State, I noticed Bourdain on a different show. It was not his regular show, “No Reservations,” of which I am a huge fan, but it was a special in which he worked at a restaurant in his hometown of New York. Not managing and schmoozing, but working in the kitchen, busting his ass. Bourdain is such a smart ass, it was nice to see him getting cussed out and making tons of mistakes. LOL. Nothing against Tony, I think he is a good writer and host, and from what I hear, a damn good chef.

Anywho, Bourdain used a word that has become of late, one of my favorites: Civilized. I guess in living here at the top of the Great State, in a suburban hell, I have come to appreciate the more civilized things in life. A civilized drink at a good bar, civilized conversation with cosmopolitan people, and civilized driving. Yes, lately dear reader, your Expatriate has been in a few fender benders. None my fault, mind you, but they have made me realize that people squished into a small suburban area, with only a handful of roads and horrible traffic, combine for a goulash of death and destruction on the Eisenhower Interstate System. I persist, though; ever pushing my boat against the current.

Back to Bourdain. When he used the word ‘civilized’ it made me just appreciate him more. We are not talking about high class blue bloods, sitting in a arm-chairs, smoking cigars and discussing bilateral negations with Iran. No, Bourdain and I are talking about the comforts of life. Art for art’s sake. Locally brewed beer. An old bench, that despite it’s age, still manages to relieve your ankles. Civilized is cutting through the bullshit, getting rid of the cellophane and just relaxing. Slow down for a minute, dear reader, and try to be a little more civilized. I suggest you also watch where your driving, too. That might be a certain Expatriate in front of you.

The Public Broadcasting Smackdown!

What is the problem with the Corporation for Public Broadcasting, these days? I heard the other day that NPR fired its CEO because it wants someone more forward looking? Well, I have to agree. In the past so many years, I have become a huge fan of public television and public radio. Anyone that knows me, though, that I have to have a gripe about these two respected institutions.

Let’s start with public television, gang. Well, I think its pledge time on public television, I’m not too sure though, considering I can barely stand to turn on the damn thing. The past two weeks has been “Mostly Wretched Music Week.” What might that mean, dear reader? Well let’s just say there is a good bit of Lawrence Welk, Scottish Songsmiths and some terrifying opera. Ok, seriously. Who exactly is public television going after as its audience, these days? 73 year old grannies who dream of visiting Scotland? Lord. As I stated above, I am a devoted fan, but this is just garbage. Do they honestly expect me to donate money when this is the shit they are trying to entice me with? Now to their credit over at public television, I did see a nice documentary about Elvis Presley’s gospel music and a special about Johnny Cash. The King and Cash, aside, it’s mostly been trash.

Now for my gripe about public radio. In the past so many years, public radio has been pretty good about syndicating more shows throughout the country and beefing up its news and reporting. Kudos. I have to say, though, don’t stop. Now, I love classical music just as much as the next geek, but I really have to insist on some more talk radio. NPR has some of the best produced series, including, “This American Life,” “Car Talk,” and “What do you know?” All good programs, all well produced and all on my ‘must listen’ list. Oh and I forgot, Garrison Keillor. He is good all around. It seems like NPR got to a point and just stopped. Now, I’m not forgetting “Thacker Mountain” which just recently got syndicated, but I am ready for some new shows. Come on NPR, Mississippi Public Broadcasting and the rest of the states out there! How about a good objective show about technology (and I don’t mean just another segment on “Fresh Air?” Or what about a show strictly devoted to contemporary and older literature?

I think I might need to put a finer point on my arguments to public radio. Just as a small example, take a look at Mississippi Public Broadcasting. Now these are some hard workin’ folks. Let me tell you. With a tiny, tiny group of people and little smattering of money, Mississippi Public Broadcasting continues to function. I am amazed. Over the last 20 years, these hard working people have managed to keep MPB afloat. “Mississippi Roads?” Fine program. “Mississippi Outdoors?” Good program. “Rural Voices Radio?” Ok, that sucks. For all my praise of MPB, “Rural Voices Radio” never ceases to come off hackney. Ever hear a great Mississippi author on it reading a story or anecdote? Hell no. It’s always a 9 year old kid talking about his grandmother’s biscuits. Yes, I love biscuits. Yes, I love my grandmother and her biscuits too. We are from Mississippi, it’s what we do. I don’t need to hear a book report about it. Look, I’m not downing on the kid. I’m sure he worked hard to write his essay and it took him like 13 weeks to eek out the 500 words. I just figure Mississippi Public Broadcasting should be a little more high minded. Faulkner is from here, for Christ’s sake! Let’s try to act like we have a little class? Ok, ok. I’m a harsh guy. Fuck off. My point is this: MPB needs more funding, it needs more shows, it needs better writing and Walt Grayson should not be the only person holding it up. Now, you really have to be a MPB geek to know who Walt Grayson is.

The end of the story is I do love Public Broadcasting in all its forms. I just wish that fat old white ladies would quit pretending they have their finger on the pulse of what the 21-35 demographic wants. For all the fat white women working at Public Broadcasting, here is a public service for you: We want intelligent shows about topics that concern 21-35 year olds. We want quality, we want integrity. We don’t want one-sidedness, we don’t want “Down Home Jill Connor Browne Garbage.” Treat us with the respect that the intelligent class deserves. So put down the candy, you know you don’t need any, walk outside your office, yea that’s it. Past your high school equivalent degree. Keep going. Now past your secretary who probably has three times your education and half your age. Now move your fat ass down to the legislature and beg for some more money. Fund MPB and I don’t mean offer more tote bags for more donations. Bitch.

Raging Bull

Oh yea, that whole "test thing" didn't go so hot. Bless you alcohol. So the kid is down. But he ain't out. Round two.

That Movie Guy

Small gripe today. Who is that son of a bitch who does all the trailer movie voice-overs? Jeez. I despise that person with all my being. Speaking of trailers, I’m exhausted with them. I have a suspicion that the accountants and marketing directors have taken control of the movie industry. Oh, Expatriate, you may say, you are so naïve! That has been happening for years! Well of course it is, it just seems more pronounced today. I’m tired of flipping on the television, seeing a trailer and then having expectations of what the movie should be. Example: Cloverfield. The marketing campaign was much better than the actual movie. Jesus. Everyone was all freaked out. “What’s this movie about? Is it a monster? Is the monster some H.P. Lovecraft creature? Is it a giant walking Filet Mignon?” Then I saw the damn thing, almost got sick do to the “documentary cam” and left feeling so happy that the monster had destroyed New York, laid waste to some jack-asses, and praying that I would find the 8 dollars I spent watching the damn thing. The trailer was good, the movie sucked. Hard.

Back to the movie voice-over guy. How does he warp his voice into that trance-like baritone? Is he trying to subliminally implant suggestions about what the movie is supposed to be? Perhaps. I am keeping an eye out for you, voice-over guy. Or maybe I should say an ear. Keep your cult trance-talk to yourself!

I have to say, though, the last good trailer I have seen was for “There Will Be Blood.” No voice-over guy, basic scenes, slight dialogue from the lead character. The preview was exactly like the movie would be. That’s what we need. Subtly.

Lest we not forget, children, what the Bard said:

“Brevity is the soul of wit.”

Take note, Hollywood fucks.

The Great Depression

Sorry I haven’t posted in a while, dear readers. I am unfortunately a bit too poor to afford such luxuries. Our modern Great Depression is wreaking havoc on my lifestyle and in this world, power and food come before the internet. I shall return, though. I shall return.

Bet

Well the kid finished the Bar. Now the anxiety sets in. This past week was a Monday through Wednesday hell-a-thon, fortunately Wednesday night I shut down a few of my favorite Jacktown watering-holes. I have to say, despite my anxious thoughts regarding the Bar exam, I feel ok. Its like Rocky just wanting to go the distance. Being done with that son of a bitch is almost enough. Last summer I was not ready and knew I couldn’t do it. This time, I put the study in, I accepted my fate and dove head first. Hopefully, its enough, but life is a fucking crap-shoot, and I’ve never been a good shooter. So, cats and kitten, gimme 8 the Hard Way and a twenty dollar ace-deuce; I’m done and ready for the next adventure.

Of Note

Just a quick note to everyone, I am on hiatus from posting anything until after the bar, God willing, I survive. For information, please dial 9.