Tuesday, May 6, 2008

That Movie Guy

Small gripe today. Who is that son of a bitch who does all the trailer movie voice-overs? Jeez. I despise that person with all my being. Speaking of trailers, I’m exhausted with them. I have a suspicion that the accountants and marketing directors have taken control of the movie industry. Oh, Expatriate, you may say, you are so na├»ve! That has been happening for years! Well of course it is, it just seems more pronounced today. I’m tired of flipping on the television, seeing a trailer and then having expectations of what the movie should be. Example: Cloverfield. The marketing campaign was much better than the actual movie. Jesus. Everyone was all freaked out. “What’s this movie about? Is it a monster? Is the monster some H.P. Lovecraft creature? Is it a giant walking Filet Mignon?” Then I saw the damn thing, almost got sick do to the “documentary cam” and left feeling so happy that the monster had destroyed New York, laid waste to some jack-asses, and praying that I would find the 8 dollars I spent watching the damn thing. The trailer was good, the movie sucked. Hard.

Back to the movie voice-over guy. How does he warp his voice into that trance-like baritone? Is he trying to subliminally implant suggestions about what the movie is supposed to be? Perhaps. I am keeping an eye out for you, voice-over guy. Or maybe I should say an ear. Keep your cult trance-talk to yourself!

I have to say, though, the last good trailer I have seen was for “There Will Be Blood.” No voice-over guy, basic scenes, slight dialogue from the lead character. The preview was exactly like the movie would be. That’s what we need. Subtly.

Lest we not forget, children, what the Bard said:

“Brevity is the soul of wit.”

Take note, Hollywood fucks.

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